molly_o

I started reading some of ivorygates's stories that I hadn't seen before, just in memory of her -- but unexpectedly they are helping me deal with some of the last few months' deaths of friends and relatives. She didn't shy away from having her characters fully experience their emotions, and that is letting me put some of mine onto the characters. It helps. And the stories are excellent. I only wish I could tell her this.

The series in which Clone!Jack comes back to the SGC is echoing a little with a bit of my past -- Adam Driver is very close to a copy of a guy I went to high school with and dated for a while. Same nose and profile, same time spent in the Marines so the same walk. Jim was about one size smaller than Adam, though, narrower in the shoulders. Just an odd coincidence, but when I watch/rewatch the Star Wars movies he's in I have to remind myself who's onscreen.

One of the oddities of getting older that I had not anticipated was the constant mathematics. I have clear memories of various incidents, like sitting on grass in a park with a boyfriend and kissing every time they shot off fireworks for the 200th Anniversary of the Declaration of Independence -- and then I think, 'that was 50 years ago, and he died in the 1990s'. Or remembering walking through the city cemetery next to the grad school -- the cemetery was the better late-night path back to the apartment, with fewer people and cars, so less likely to be mugged or run over than the long way around -- and seeing the stars overhead, because the lights were far enough back not to obscure them. 40 years ago. Ancient history now.

And in more modern history, I am told that the parts for my good computer are on back order, no idea when they will arrive. I was supposed to get that computer back today. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr There are too many things I can't do on this computer unless I upgrade the operating system, and if I do that I lose about a dozen older programs for which there are no modern replacements. So not upgrading, but still....

I am posting from the computer before my present one -- this one dates from the early 2000s, and is a bit slow. My good 2019 computer is in the shop getting a new keyboard -- apparently when one key is busted all of them are and the entire top of the laptop gets replaced. It's the down arrow that didn't work.

And because of that I have about 10 days either with only my phone (I will not describe going through 100+ new emails there; it is tedious) or this elderly one that I have purposely kept on an older operating system because this lappie has really excellent older software that simply doesn't work on the more recent op systems. So I am relaxing, watching old stored movies (Skyfall, anyone?) and doing offline sorting of books and papers and so on.

ETA: The guy at the shop said I could have them do the work in-house, for about 10 days, or they could send it to another shop where they would mail it back after about 5 days. I do not trust the current postmaster, or his cuts to service, or the possibility that it would end up sitting on a shelf somewhere and not come back, so I agreed to the 10 days or so.

I'm also feeling the losses, and letting myself feel them and letting them go through me instead of "braving it out" or trying to ignore them and having everything get worse later. I don't want worse later; now is enough. I can bear now. I am remembering so many little things, and big things, aond old things and it all just works.

It also means I'm sleeping a lot, around my meds schedule, which is less easy than it sounds. Basically, I have a BP pill and a blood thinner, each of which needs to be taken 2x a day about 12 hours apart, but not at the same time because the stress on my heart is too much. So I am carefully scheduling the one for 9 am and pm and the other for 10-11 am and pm, and that is working. Otherwise my heart bangs until it wakes me up, which is not fun.

I'm also handspinning silk roving in various colors; it's one of my favorite things to do while watching tv, because looking from the work in my hands to the set across the room keeps my eyes from getting stuck at the shorter distance. I did maybe 15 yards, three ply, today, which is 45 yards of single ply. You do the 3-ply by putting a big slipknot loop into the end of it, then continue to loop through the loop and twirl the spindle in the opposite direction of the single ply's twist. The result is useful, not so thin that it falls apart, and looks good. I am thinking of crocheting small keepsake bags from them.

That's about what's happening here, give or take a freeze warning or hearing the fox calling in the park half a block away late at night. I'm glad of that fox and its kin; they are welcome to come to my yard to eat mice whenever they wish.